Petunia in a Flower Garden

I'm trying to figure out how to clean my carpet without spending any real money on it.

Our house was a rental before we bought it 11 years ago, and had cheap neutral-colored carpet in all rooms except the kitchen/dining area and bathrooms. We pulled up the carpets in all rooms but one and had the hardwood floors which were underneath refinished about 9 years ago. The family room had plywood under its carpet so the carpet was retained.

The family room has a sliding glass door to the backyard on one wall and a door to the garage on the other. There is a dirt trail on the carpet where we walk. There is a tree with berries in the backyard, and every fall the berries fall off and the berry juice comes in on all shoes no matter how carefully we wipe them. So in addition to the dirt trail there are also dark dots all over the carpet.

I've had a carpet cleaner come in a few times and the carpet looks much better when he's done. Trouble is it costs $60 to do this 13' x 10' room. At a minimum we should have it done twice a year. A few years ago I became convinced that we should pull up this carpet and put down a hard surface and a big rug. Both would be easier to clean than this carpet. I have finally convinced Mr. H of the soundness of this plan. Actually, I think rearranging the family room a bit in a way that forced him to spend more time looking at the dirt trail on the carpet is what did it. It's likely that we'll choose a surface that he can install, cutting the labor down. But it's not going to be done any time soon.

Enter my carpet cleaning attempts:
1) Google manual carpet cleaning (or something similar). Get a list of ideas.
2) Read that hydrogen peroxide can take spots out of carpet. Hey, that stuff is cheap and we have it. Grab the bottle and some cotton balls and start dabbing. Hey, it's taking up some of these spots! Great! Later that evening I realize that I'd created clean, light colored polka-dots on my carpet. Hmm. Well it kind of worked.
3) Read that you can scrub your carpet with a scrub brush, water and a tiny bit of soap and then use a shop vac to suck up some of the water and put old towels on the carpet to absorb more water. Hey, I have all these things! Mr H is in charge of the shop vac though. He goes after the worst of the dirt one day when Daisy and I are out using just water (no soap). Later he shows me his efforts, but notes that there are now dirt stripes where the dirt blob used to be.
4) I go after a part of the rug using a small amount of soap in the water this time. It works! I created a 2' x 1' clean patch on the carpet. Mr. H suggests we clean in a checkerboard pattern.
5) Today Daisy and I went after another spot. We scrubbed, vacuumed, rinsed, vacuumed then toweled a spot. Then two more adjoining patches. Daisy danced on the towels to help pull the water up. Another, larger clean spot was created. I just looked at the clean spot - it has dark stripes in between each section. It's kind of hard to tell where you started and stopped so we missed that part.

I'm not sure how this is really working out. The carpet is looking cleaner in spots. . . but it is a lot of work to do even a small patch. Instead of looking dirty it just looks kind of strange now. But I guess we'll just keep going.

I sat down with Mr H on 12/5 and did a budget review for the month of December (so far).

With the budget comprising only Checkbook One, and having just seven categories it's a very limited amount of information. Perfect amount for this type of conversation. (For future reference the categories are Grocery/Cleaning/Personal Care, Gas, Church, Master Card, Bowling and Everything Else.)

I showed him the figures - each category had budget, amount spent and amount remaining. Right away he pointed out that the dollar amount I had started with did not include the Emergency Fund money, but that I had included it on the budget. So we're down to six categories.

He'll be bowling fewer evenings this month because of the holidays. I requested the surplus money go into the "Everything Else" category. Frankly, that category scares me. So far we've spent money on batteries, school pictures for Daisy and a newspaper from that category.

He also noted that the amount we spend on gas should be down with Daisy's school vacation. I won't be driving to school or the extra curricular activities during those days. I haven't paid the master card bill yet, and we've incurred some charges that will be paid from Checkbook Two. He suggested that I just go ahead and pay them now.

We haven't yet gone over budget on any items. It was only the 5th of December, so I should hope not! I plan to take this sheet of paper to him every week.

I guess the frustrating thing for me is that if I didn't bring him the information he wouldn't seek it out. If we are going to stop overspending this account we have very little margin for error, and if we aren't on top of it all the time we will overspend it. But perhaps I'll just be thankful that he engaged at all. That doesn't always happen.

************

The Everything Else category has just $154.55 in it this month. I've projected January and it should have more since we shouldn't have a master card bill next month.

I mentioned what items we've spent this money on this month. Here are some of the items we didn't end up spending this money on:
* Tickets for Daisy's dance performance and the costume fee for that performance. $56. I did some volunteer work for the dance school and didn't expect to be compensated for it, but was given three tickets and had the costume fee waived. Not having to pay for these items was a nice surprise.
* Chicken nuggets at McDonalds. Admittedly this was a completely impulsive thought, but I squelched it. Not sure how much these cost.
* Carpet cleaner. About $20. Our only carpet is about 13' x 10' and old. We are going to try to "clean dangerously" (ie, try carpet cleaning experiments that don't cost anything) before spending the money on cleaner.
* Renewal of annual zoo pass. At $95, this will have to wait.
* Renewal of a magazine subscription. $20. Again, this will have to wait.

Curious to know what effect my navy showers would have on our water bill, I went into heavy-duty analysis mode.

* Got a five gallon bucket and measured the amount of water that runs from our shower head in one minute.
* Timed an average navy shower. Used the measurement to calculate the gallons of water used in an average navy shower.
* Guessed at the amount of time showering with a non-navy shower. Calculated the number of gallons used for that.
* Calculated the number of gallons used for a month of navy showers and a month of non-navy showers. Subtracted the navy shower gallons from the non-navy shower gallons to get the number of gallons saved per month of navy showers.
* Used the 7.481 gallons per cubic feet figure found in the Tightwad Gazette book to convert the gallons into cubic feet.

At this point I got out the most recent water bill, which covers two months, and made this startling discovery:
* Of the $87.51 bill, $57.20 are flat charges. No amount of decreased water usage will change them.
* In 56 days (per the bill), the amount charged for consumption was $30.31. That's 54 cents per day.

Further calculations revealed that taking navy showers, at least in my part of the world, will decrease my water bill by about 0.83 per month, or about $1.66 per bill.

I guess this experiment was not a stunning success. Nevertheless, I'm going to continue with navy showers. They help keep me in the frugal mindset.

I also plan to estimate the dollar savings of turning the heat down during the day while I'm home.

Mr. H caught me about a week ago, and told me he had deposited his paycheck. He deposits set amounts into Checkbook One and Checkbook Two. Generally speaking, he manages Checkbook Two (mortgage, regular bills, medical expenses) and I manage Checkbook One (groceries, gas, clothing, gifts, yard and garden, household expenses, hobbies and other miscellaneous stuff). But we both access each account - I'll pay a doctor out of Checkbook Two, or he'll write a check for bowling out of Checkbook One. "And I put $50 in the Emergency Fund like we talked about."

"Which account did the $50 not go into?" I asked. When the words came out of his mouth I already knew the answer to this one.

"Checkbook Number One," he said. It's kind of like when he takes me out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday, and then later I'm juggling expenses to try to figure out how to pay the credit card bill.

"Mr. H, you're giving me $50 less to work with in an account that's overspent each month," I said.

"Oh. I guess we never talked about it," Mr. H said, some part of the light bulb going on over his head. "Fine! I'll just put it back."

"That's not what I said. I suggested that we work together to figure out where this $50 could come from. When you decided to take the $50 from Checkbook One, you're taking our problem and making it my problem. I'll have to make the hard decisions about what to cut out of our expenses." Unsaid was that, to keep peace in my home, I would probably not cut anything that would have an effect on him. So any uncomfortable effects would be on me.

**************

Later on I showed him my post-it, on which I had written the dollar amounts of money I knew would be spent during December from Checkbook One. I assumed that we would spend about 2/3 of our typical food budget (which I'll admit needs to be cut back), I'd cut my coffee allowance to zero, and nothing would be spent out of that account that wasn't groceries, gas, church contribution, credit card payment or bowling (his hobby), plus the $50. If we can stick to that, which admittedly is fairly unlikely**, we'd have $150 in Checkbook One at the end of December. There is very little margin for error. But I do plan to take this up with him again.


** Christmas expenses have generally come out of Checkbook Two.

I had planned to list some of my curriculum items on Craig's list in January or February. This isn't really the time of year that people are buying this kind of item.

But, someone put a "wanted" posting on a local homeschooling yahoo group for a curriculum item that I had. From my first response to the requestor to when I dropped the item off and had the check in my hand was about 24 hours. I cashed the check about three hours after that. Woo-hoo!

*************

Yesterday I reset the programmable thermostat to 65 during the hours that I was home. It wasn't that bad. I was surprised - I'm really a wimp when it comes to being cold. I also took a navy shower.

But the thing I wonder about these lifestyle changes is - is there anyway to calculate how much money is saved by doing them? I know I can look at the bill when it comes in, but is there anyway to estimate how much these actions save each time I do them?

People, I have a confession to make.

I have a bad, bad habit.

I have an Americano-and-pastry habit. Costwise, I figure it's close to a pack of cigarettes a day. (No, I don't smoke. I just glanced at the price of a pack of cigarettes in a store one day.)

But I'm now at a cross roads.
Do I:
* Keep my bad habit and get a job to support it
OR
* Give up my bad habit (some or all) to support new goals of an emergency fund and a budget that works

I'm going to work at getting rid of my bad habit and replacing it with something else. No, I'm not planning to replace it with another bad habit. (Yes, that was my first thought too.) I'm planning to replace it with another habit that fills the get-out-of-the-house-and-see-people-in-a-friendly-casual-way need.

I've added this as a goal to my sidebar, although technically it's not a goal yet - doesn't have an deadline and is not measurable.

Before I made the last post about Goal 1, DH and I had a discussion about the EF.

It was initiated by him. I think he's getting more concerned about the economy and his job.

Anytime he initiates a conversation about money I'm there. I've worked hard to get to this point. I did not let being under the influence of a head cold (and feeling like I'm under water) get to me.

He reiterated what we'd agreed on for the dollar amount. I agreed that this was a good place to start, but countered that I wanted to reevaluate the dollar amount later. (I think that as a final total it's too low.) He agreed to that.

He wanted to include only the money we have in a certain savings account. (I had initially included money in that account as well as a CD in the sidebar.) I agreed.

He also said that he feels more comfortable if the bill paying account (Checkbook Two) is kept at a minimum of $1500. It's currently below that - with property taxes and work done on both our cars in the past month. He'd done two side jobs in the past month - the checks were coming in soon and he wanted to put some of those dollars in the EF and some in the bill paying account. I agreed.

I told him we needed to set a target date for putting the dollars in the EF. He suggested July 1st. That is 8 months to come up with $4,428.15. It doesn't seem like a terribly ambitious goal but I'll take it. For us it's progress.

The next day he deposited $250 from the side job into the account. Only $4178.15 to go.

Goal 1 on the side bar used to be: Get Mr. H more involved in our financial life. At some point after I finish posting this I'm going to change it.

I've been giving some thought to what I might mean by "getting Mr. H more involved in our financial life". To be a goal it has to be measurable and have a deadline, right? So I started by trying to figure out where we are:

* Mr. H pays the regular bills and handles that account (Checking Account Two), I handle the account that pays for groceries, gas, clothes, gifts, etc (Checking Account One). I also figure out how to pay the credit card bill each month.
* We now both have debit cards for Checking Account One. I requested this. Mr. H gets paid once per month, and I hate writing a check to the credit card company for 1/3 of the money that goes in checking account one right off the top. I'd rather pay as we go. Gas is the main expense put on a credit card. We are likely to have some glitches with this, as we have not had to work together very much with this account.
* We have one tiny joint goal regarding the emergency fund.
* If some unexpected money comes in, we usually discuss it. We don't always come to a conclusion about it but at least we're both aware of it. Mr. H has also started to initiate these conversations.
* If something needs to happen regarding our financial life I usually bring it up, and have to follow up on it. Where Mr. H used to always agree with me during these conversations but not follow up with action, today he's better about bringing up what he wants, and he's better about the follow up.

To Mr. H's credit, he's very good about the regular bills. Where I frequently get bored and restless with too much routine he seems to thrive on it. (It's probably not too much routine for him, LOL.) It also helps that that account has some padding.

Contrast this with where we were about five years ago:
* I paid all bills, reconciled all accounts, made all decisions about investments and saving. Mr. H never asked about it, and pretty much agreed with everything I proposed. I actually became very depressed at one point and didn't reconcile any of our accounts for 18 months - and Mr. H never noticed.

I think what I mean by "getting Mr. H more involved in our financial life" is "get Mr. H to take initiative both in his life and in our life together".

Well. . . hmm. . . I can't change his behavior so that's not a very workable goal.

But maybe something like "encourage Mr. H to work together with me to build up our emergency fund" and "work with Mr. H to get a monthly budget that balances, that we agree on, that we follow and that doesn't cause us huge problems". While neither of these steps address the big picture (What do we want to do with our lives and how does our financial life support that?) they are steps in the right direction. I'll continue to flesh out these goals. I guess it should be noted that I can also work on them (EF and budget) somewhat independently of Mr. H if need be.

I'm still playing with goals. I left what I've had up in my sidebar as goals, although technically they are not goals. They aren't measurable and they don't have a deadline.

Laying in a significant emergency fund seems like a next good goal. Mr. H's job isn't stable, the economy isn't stable, and I'd like the added sense of security of it. So I've added that to the list even though it's technically not a goal either - no deadline.

After I came to this, I waited for a good time and ambushed, er, brought it up to Mr. H. * He agreed that this was a good idea and said that he thought we were already doing it. The money that was spent on his car this past summer was our savings and it's been slowly added to as random money has appeared. But we've never said it was an emergency fund. I think there's a difference in, well, purpose and feeling of intensity between savings and emergency fund. Then I asked him how much he thought we ought to aim for. He named a dollar amount, I agreed, and it's up on the side bar. The conversation, about 10 minutes' worth, was tense. Since we both had to be elsewhere shortly, we agreed to discuss it further the next day. **

When DH asked me about this again, *** I told him I thought our options to fund the EF were: 1) make more money or 2) save more money. Sounds pretty obvious, right?

To make more money either 1) he would need to get a different job AND/OR 2) he would need to get an additional job 3) AND/OR I would need to get a job (part time or back into the workforce). I don't see either 1) or 2) happening, and I would like to be available for my daughter which leaves out 3 (for the most part). So then it becomes saving more of what comes in. And this is where it becomes dicey for me. We can, and should, cut back on food expenses. But beyond that I feel like we're getting into more "extreme savings lifestyle changes". . . and while I recognize there are always choices, and I am choosing family relationships over money, I am just not loving the idea of "extreme savings lifestyle changes" - the things that came to mind are lowering the heat****, hang-drying the laundry, and "navy showers" (you can read about them here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Navy_shower). I hope they will grow on me, as also the idea of working at paid employment in a temporary and part-time fashion.

This conversation was also tense. I believe that IF we set a goal to have an emergency fund of $XX, and IF we set a deadline, and IF we keep focused on it, THEN the opportunities to achieve this goal will appear. DH has a hard time if the opportunities aren't immediately apparent. Perhaps I just have more faith (well, and more experience achieving goals) than he does. At any rate this is where we frequently get stuck.

* I know I've written many times about not feeling like we have much of a team effort here, financially or otherwise. But, as long as I'm here, I still need to make the effort, right? The difference is that I use different strategies to talk about things than I used to, and I'm less invested in the outcome than I'd like to be. I have to be less invested - a girl can only get her heart broken so many times.

** I suppose that's a guideline for possibly tense conversations - set them up to be short, so you can say your piece and go to your separate corners . . . you're not required to keep fighting about them.

***Yes, he does get credit on the teamwork balance sheet for bringing it up.

**** But I am sitting here with the thermostat set at 66, and doing okay so maybe I can get used to it.

** Warning: slightly dramatic and whiny post ahead. Read at your own risk. I don't plan to make a habit of this because in the long run I don't think it will help solve problems. But it helps me clarify some of my own thoughts, and it's a springboard for moving forward into 2009. **

I have recently read It's All Too Much and Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh. He's the host of an organizing show on TLC that I've never watched. We don't get that station. But both books were good. He really tries to get you to get to the heart of the matter. With clutter it's not about how to rearrange your house, it's about the life you live now versus the life you've lived in the past or the life you want to live in the future. I think anyone who's ever bought an exercise machine that became a clothing rack can relate to this. With being overweight, it's about what kind of life you want to live - not necessarily tied to a number on the scale, but what you want to do with your life and how having a healthy body can help you achieve that.

After reading these two books, I realized that the clutter problem in our house, my weight problem and our financial issues are all related. For me, they are all the same issue - trying to fill a hole that cannot be filled. The real problem is not about stuff, food or money - it's about relationships, and one in particular. While this is not a completely new revelation, rearranging these piece of my life and looking at it this way is.

The primary relationship problem is not solvable, at least not directly. Truly solving relationship problems takes willingness and cooperation from the people involved. If only one person is willing then the problems become something to be managed, but not solved. Yes, I know this sounds completely discouraging. . . and if I'd only think positively. . . and be a good sport. . . then the other person would respond positively and everything would be perfect, right? That hasn't been my experience though. Has anyone ever worked on a team where one person just wasn't a team player? Different strategies are tried but the person's behavior doesn't change. Sometimes the person is transferred to a different department, sometimes they're moved to a different position requiring less teamwork, sometimes they're let go. Usually though, short of dramatic experiences (such as being knocked off your horse by a bolt of lightening and blinded for three days) the person's behavior does not noticeably change.

Right now many bloggers here are thinking about their 2009 goals. I personally am having a hard time with this, or any other goals, but am working hard to overcome self pity and set some goals anyway. Mr. H doesn't believe in setting goals or having dreams about life. . . and after many years of this I've decided that it is not in my best interest to live this way anymore. No, I'm not leaving Mr. H, but am trying to figure out how to have goals and dreams that 1) Don't require Mr. H's active participation or involvement 2) Don't require me to carry Mr. H through them and 3) are not obviously divisive to our marriage. Early in our marriage and for several years I sat down with Mr. H to discuss the upcoming year - what did we plan to do, what goals we had, etc. Eventually I realized that I was setting most of the goals and doing most of the work to carry them out. So I stopped doing this completely, and Mr. H never said a word. Each year now I ask him how many camping trips he wants to go on (which I then set up), and that's about it. Sometimes we talk about house projects.

CouponAddict's recent post linked to Money Saving Mom's blog, in which she (Crystal) describes their (ambitious) financial goals for 2008. They achieved them too, and I have no doubt they will achieve their very ambitious goal for 2009. I admire Crystal and her husband very much - they truly work as a team and their hard work has been rewarded. I'm inspired by them. . . but I also have a hard time reading her blog. I'm envious of her (not the best reflection of my own character, I'm afraid) and recognize that, no matter how many different ways I've tried, I can't bring that sense of working hard together for the common good into my own life.

Finally coming up for air. I think we're adjusted to Daisy's adventure to "away school" now. She is doing well there. Fall's always a little busy around here - the start of the school year (and its activities) is followed by Daisy's birthday, then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's - and all their associated activities.

After reporting on a discussion between myself and Mr. H, and reading the comments I got, I did a lot of thinking and observing of teamwork, helping and "usness". It's been eye-opening, and will probably get a few blog posts later.

But tonight, since it's almost my bedtime, I'll report on something I did this month that I've never done before: I sold an item on Craig's list. I was kind of intimidated by the whole process, and I've been procrastinating about it. With Daisy in school though I have time and energy to pursue these kinds of projects. I have a pile of curriculum items, and decided to check the Wanteds one day. I couldn't believe it when someone was looking for an art curriculum I had. That sale went well and brought in $120.

I haven't participated in the $20 Challenge up to this point, but I think I'll add any Craig's list items to the $20 Challenge.

I like to make Stir-Fried Green beans every year at about this time if I have access to garden-grown green beans. The recipe is in the More With Less Cookbook, and it's a tasty way to use a pound of green beans for a dinner. You can use the large-but-not-yet-woody/rubbery green beans for this dish and it comes out well. Green bean gardeners, you know what I'm talking about. Those beans seem to come around later in the season after you've already eaten your weight in small tender beans. You don't really want to throw them away, but they just aren't as good (in my opinion anyway) as the smaller beans.

We visited our farm friends this past weekend, and they gave us about 7 pounds of green beans. I froze five pounds, used one pound for Stir-Fried Green Beans and still have a pound in the fridge.

One slight. . . issue with this dish is that the green beans must be julienned. (Julienned? Is that a word?) That means cut in long skinny pieces. My mom has a gadget that will do this. I don't have that gadget and it takes 30-45 minutes for me to cut them by hand.

The recipe calls for 1/4 pound of beef chuck (steak, I'd guess). I used 1/2 pound of a steak that was given to my husband's work at Christmas time (it's been frozen since then - not in the fridge!). I served this with brown rice for an inexpensive and good-tasting meal.

After a blogging break I'm going to get back at it.

Daisy has gone to "away school" for the first time and we are all adjusting. She seems to be enjoying it though. The school's quite a distance from our house; some of the fun for her is the carpooling arrangement with four of her friends. At this time I'm not planning to go back to paid employment, but if she goes to "away school" next year I will look into it.

Mr H and I continue on. . . business as usual in many respects. Here is a sample conversation:

Me: Today I bought shoes and books. I will pay for them out of the money my mom gave me. (** Unlike many women I don't buy many shoes. I have problem feet and have found only one brand, besides sneakers, that is comfortable. They last well, but cost over $100 per pair. I bought three pairs of shoes and spent over $300.)

Mr H: Why are you telling me this?

Me (inwardly sighing): I spent a significant amount of money and want to keep you informed.

We have had a few conversations about budgets over the summer but there was no discussion as to how money would be spent in September. Unfortunately it looks like we're back into our monetary free-for-all. I'm going to think about strategies to help this situation. Big, sweeping changes and sitting down to have a budget conversation every month. . . don't look promising. Little conversational "hits" every couple of days look like they'll have more effect.

We went camping last week. We always have a great time - what's not to like about climbing trees, playing in the creek, riding bikes and hanging out by the fire? Mr H camped as a child and I camped with the scouts, and Daisy loves to go camping.

Usually we have some extra food at the end of our trip, and I create some leftover concoction for our dinner when we get home. After packing up the car, then unpacking at home, doing laundry and washing the camp dishes I'm really not up for a great deal of cooking. I'm getting better about estimating the amount of food for our trips though, and we didn't have a whole lot left over this time.

After we'd completed some of the chores Mr H and I were sitting at the table next to the food box. We had four hotdog buns left and somehow they'd gotten under a package of something else and were about half the height of their former selves. Mr H got a good laugh out of them, but I suggested hot dog bun french toast for breakfast the next morning.

That's what we ended up having for dinner last night - hot dog bun french toast. We even had Daisy do most of the cooking of it, furthering her life skills education. We combined this with leftover bacon and ham from our trip, and topped the toast with jam (we're out of syrup).

And Mr H gets extra credit. When we were discussing our dinner plans I suggested going out, and he said "No, I think we should make something from what we have on hand." Usually in this scenario we end up going out.

After not achieving my previous goal, I've decided to set new goals. They are on the sidebar. I expect to do some work on them next week (Daisy will be at day camp), then not do much until September. (As a sidenote, DH and I had an interesting discussion involving Dave Ramsey's budget form. I'll try to post about that next week.)

Big changes are coming to the Onion Patch in September: After a lifetime of being homeschooled, Daisy is going to "away" school. She will be attending a small private school starting in September. When I say "small" I mean "small". There are three teachers, all of whom we've known since before Daisy was born, and about 30 students.

This school has an academic focus and offers no extracurricular activities. Tuition is very reasonable; the teachers see their jobs as a ministry and the school runs on a shoe-string budget. When I visited the school made me think of a one-room school house. The students work at their own pace. Daisy is acquainted with about half of the students.

Daisy has been homeschooled up to now and this will bring some real changes to the onion patch. She's very excited about it but will have to get up every morning. . . early. The school is some distance and we will be sharing carpooling with another family and one of the school's teachers. The other family has several children, the oldest of whom has been at the school about seven years.

I've been asked if I plan to get a job with Daisy gone all day. I've thought about it. . . but if I do work at paid employment it would have to be very flexible. I would want to have this job work around my family and not the other way around. It takes time and energy to develop and maintain family relationships. When I worked at my corporate job it seemed to take all that I had and there wasn't much left for my personal life. And I do remember my own childhood. . . my parents both worked full time and had some personal problems, and were not available to help me with the frequently difficult task of growing up. I want things to be better for my daughter.

We will be going to a social event at the school this week. I've set a goal to meet all the parents of the other students there. . . no small task for an introvert.

I guess blogging will be at a minimum this summer - we are busy doing summer things, and if Daisy is not occupied she is reading over my shoulder!

A friend of Daisy's is in a local production of a musical. The friend's mom gave me ticket information. I quickly went from "great" to "hyperventilating". The tickets were $32 for adults, $12 for kids. Fortunately for us, the same mom passed along information about a "preview performance". She said it was like a final dress rehearsal. There was a cost - $10 per ticket. Whew!

I had not heard of a "preview performance" before, and in the future I may look into it more for things like this. We went to the performance last night. It was excellent! Well worth the $10 ticket price.

We were out late and Daisy didn't make it to bed until after 11. She's sleeping in and can't read over my shoulder while I write this entry.

We've been talking about vehicles here in the onion patch.

DH owns a 1992 full-sized truck. I have a 1993 station wagon. Both of our vehicles have had a few problems over the years but have been dependable. They also have 160000+ miles on them.

DH commutes about 15 miles, one way, to work. In a truck that gets 15 miles per gallon that's about two gallons of gas per day, not counting any driving around he does for work. He has really noticed the increase in gas prices.

On and off over the years I've brought up the topic of our aging vehicles and changing needs. When DH bought his truck he was a single guy doing construction. Now he has a family and a job that's more of a desk job. Meanwhile as Daisy has grown I've noticed that I do more "kid hauling" - I don't just take Daisy somewhere but a friend or two as well. Even well-maintained vehicles don't last forever, and my fear is that one day a transmission or engine will go out and we'll be scrambling to replace a vehicle. I'd rather anticipate that need if possible.

My previous attempts to engage DH in discussing our automotive future failed. Now with gas prices high DH has gotten more interested in replacing his vehicle. He has talked about it over the last several months, but again our conversations went no where in terms of action.

DH's parents are selling their car and DH decided that it would be a good choice. It is a 2004 Honda which they bought new. DH and I have had several discussions about it over the last few weeks. He has looked in to insurance for it and talked with a couple of mechanics (one a relative) about this model of car. I think the car is a reasonable choice, so I will agree to it. He has put a lot more effort into acquiring this car than I have seen him put into other things. At other times when we've talked about car replacement he just figured that he'd get a car loan, go to the nearest dealership and buy the first thing that he saw. (Well, maybe not the first thing but close - after 15 years I have a good idea how DH operates.)

The sticking point has been the money required to buy it. DH wanted to get a car loan but I wouldn't agree to that. Last week DH presented me with a list of sources and amounts for the money required for this car. I was impressed. He also says that once the money is straightened out for this car we will start saving for a replacement for my vehicle. I plan to hold him to that.

Since I wrote the "Negotiation" post we've had a follow on conversation that sounded something like this:

DH (while sitting at desk, which is in living room, and writing a check): "I'm writing a check for the mutual fund."

Me (knowing that our mutual fund is direct deposit, so he's paying the extra that we talked about): "How much are you sending in?"

DH: "280 dollars."

Me: "Hmm, how much was that IRS refund?"

DH: "280 dollars."

Me: "Didn't we agree that we would spend half of that money for gas (for DH's full-sized, 15-miles-per-gallon truck) and the camping trip, and send the other half to the IRS?

DH: "Yes, but it doesn't matter. It'll be fine."

Me (in a reasonable tone, although I was thinking, here we go again): "If we agree to do something, and then don't do it and don't discuss the change of plans with each other, what is the point of having the first conversation?"


In the end DH sent $100 to the mutual fund. Married people, is there any good way to hold each accountable without sounding like a complete nag?

I suppose some people drop off on their blogs because they don't have much to say. I have plenty to write about, but a bunch of Real Life stuff to take care of and so have had no time for blogging.

The abridged version, with more detailed entries to follow:

* We went out of town for Memorial Day weekend, plus one extra day. We are keeping busy with end-of-the-school-year stuff.
* DH finished the Dave Ramsey book.
* DH has decided to replace his 1992 full-sized truck with a 2004 Honda Civic. He did all the leg work (insurance quotes, talked w/mechanics, worked with sellers) plus he's figured out how to pay for it. I'm shocked. Go DH!
* We are looking at Away School (as opposed to Home School) for Daisy next year.
* DH used Quicken to create an expense report for the last year. Neither one of us are really sure what to do with it, but he is interested in some kind of a budget.
* We still ran a deficit in Checkbook Number One in May. Despite my attempts to pin our money issues on DH, I'm definitely the culprit on this one.

DH and I received a small income tax refund. We actually negotiated what we were going to do with it. This is a big step for us - in the past I made most of the financial decisions. While for some people that might sound ideal it doesn't lead to building togetherness in a marriage. I've been pushing for more involvement on DH's part for several years. There are things going on in our lives, but not reported here, that are making that more likely.

Here's how our conversation might have sounded before:

Me: DH, we got our income tax refund. What do you want to do with it?
DH: I don't know.
Me: What do you think about putting 1/4 toward the mortgage, 1/4 in the mutual fund and spending the rest on (whatever the current project or need was)?
DH: Okay.


Here's how our conversation sounded this time:

DH: What do you want to do with the income tax refund?
Me: What do YOU want to do with the income tax refund?
DH: Let's put it in our checking account. It can pay for our trip this weekend, and the shortfall in the checkbook.
Me: Hmm, how about if we put 1/4 toward the mortgage, 1/4 in the mutual fund and spend the rest on our trip? (**Yes, this is the same thing I would have said before. I like this strategy for windfalls.)
DH: How about if we put half in the mutual fund and half towards our trip?
Me: Okay.

Can I just say that I'm thrilled at this turn of events?

I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio the other day. A caller said that he and his wife had just started doing a budget, and that they kept having all these unexpected expenses - software for his wife's college class, something for the kids (don't recall it specifically) etc. Dave said that these type of expenses could be anticipated, that as time went on and they continued to work on their budget they would be able to anticipate them, that it took people generally about three months to get the hang of it, and that when these things came up the couple needed to have an "emergency budget committee meeting" and decide what they would do.

DH and I have never really had a budget. We've had a loose spending plan that worked reasonably well when our income was higher. We continued this when I left paid employment. Since neither of us are big spenders it worked okay for a while and now isn't working so well.

When DH and I talked about our spending for May we listed out several expenses that we saw coming that month. Soon after May started I noticed four things:
* We had expenses that we should have been able to anticipate, like Daisy's end-of-year dance photos.
* We had potential expenses that are unexpected, like our cordless phone breaking.
* If it was written down we were likely to think about it and come up with a different or lower-priced alternative.
* I've gotten really used to buying "little stuff" that catches my fancy, and I'm going to have to break that habit.

We paid for Daisy's photos. We haven't yet replaced the cordless phone. Since it has an answering machine that still works, it's been moved to another room and we're using a corded phone for our main phone now. Instead of buying a new bicycle DH decided to borrow a relative's bicycle for a while. And I started to keep a list of the little stuff that I wanted to purchase instead of just buying it.

I guess we are reinventing the wheel in many ways. . . and the wheel still works.

It's May 20th, and Checkbook Number One is looking pretty empty.

We got rid of The Dead Zone, so what happened?

Well, several things: the grocery/eating out dollars spent is way over budget, less is being put on the credit card (and thus being put off until next month) and there were some math errors.

I'm hoping and anticipating we'll be able to squeak by until June with another fill-up for both vehicles, and about $100 for our Memorial Weekend Camping trip (this includes about $60 for a ferry ride).

DH and I had a discussion about this last night. He had a pretty negative reaction. In reality though, this is nothing different than what's happened here in the onion patch for the last several years. The main difference is that he is now aware of it. While it's challenging to deal with his reaction, we are talking and that is a huge improvement in my book.

Last night I was out running errands. When I got home DH asked where the Dave Ramsey book was. He had left it on his library book shelf. I had taken it off the shelf in the morning (and finished reading it) and hadn't put it back.

Do you know what this means?? DH is taking the initiative to read the book! Well, at least he was yesterday.

Trying not to get too excited. . . trying not to get my hopes up. . . trying not to get too excited. . . trying not to get my hopes up. . .

We have an ARM and our interest rate will readjust at the beginning of June. Although many people have gotten burned by ARMs we have done well. There was actually a strategy behind the ARM, and it paid off for us.

We bought our house 11 years ago when we were both working. The strategy was to pay down the ARM during the first three years before it adjusted. When it adjusted our payment would be lower. As we paid down more and more it would enable us to live on one income.

We were able to do this, and I think the following is why:
* We bought a relatively small, inexpensive (for our area) house. The bank was willing to give us about twice the mortgage that we ended up with, but I didn't want to be tied to my corporate job forever.
* Our mortgage is through a credit union. There has been no upheaval with the mortgage being sold to another entity. I've heard all kinds of horror stories about what happens when loans get sold.
* We actually DID pay down the mortgage during the first three years, and have paid more to the principle since then. Our contract includes language that allows us to pay extra towards the principle and pay off the mortgage early with no penalty.
* With nine different rate adjustments (including the upcoming one) only two have been higher than the initial loan rate. The rest have been lower, including one year during which the rate was almost four percent lower than the initial rate. This was totally outside our control and was just good fortune on our part.
* We did not tap into our equity with a line of credit.

Most of the time our financial strategy feels like a house that people added to randomly. There are doors that open up to walls, rooms with no windows and a porch you can't get to from the inside of the house. But our ARM strategy is a nice, comfortable living room.

I hadn't heard about Dave Ramsey until recently. I think he's on to something.

I've read a number of frugality/financial philosophy books and most of them assume that you and your spouse have agreed on or worked out how to handle finances. They also assume that you and your spouse have similar financial philosophies. While I haven't read (or listened to) Dave all that much, he appears to give way more information about the process of working out and agreeing. And his work seems focused on getting you and your spouse to work together.

I talked DH into reading The Total Money Makeover book. DH hates to read books of this nature, and generally he'll agree to it and then not follow through. (I, on the other hand, read this kind of stuff as bed-time reading. Go figure.)

So far DH has read to part of the way through Chapter 4. His response - "I already know all this stuff except the thing about the Visa debit card."

Since he "already knows all this stuff" I started with Chapter 5. I know a lot of this stuff, but not all, and the way he prioritizes finances into steps could be really useful. I think I need to read a different book of his to learn more about working out a budget with a spouse.

Stay tuned. If DH is not done with the book by the end of June, he's not going to read it. And I'm not going to bug him about it - that won't turn out well.

DH and I did talk, on Sunday evening after Daisy was in bed.

I have taken the information that I had on a file card and put it in a pocket-sized notebook. What you see on the side bar for April fits on one page.

On the next set of pages are the May spending plan (looks a lot like April) and the month-to-date totals. The next two pages after that hold the things that we talked about spending money on May, with estimate and actual expense columns. These are items that fall in the "Everything Else" category. There aren't many, or the list wouldn't fit on one page of a pocket-sized notebook.

DH wanted to see the April figures. I had already told him about The Dead Zone, so that even though it looks like we under spent by about $200, we actually over spent by about $100. He looked at May. Then he told me about a few expenses he could see coming in June. I wrote them down, although only one of them has a dollar estimate.

That was pretty much the end of the conversation. It took about 10 minutes.

Even though we have a long, long, long way to go, this conversation was way more than I would have anticipated back on April. I need to keep reminding myself of that when I feel completely frustrated by his non/under-involvement policy.

I've been entertaining my mother, as well as hosting a family event last weekend - kind of puts a crimp in my blogging. Mom will head home tomorrow and I'll get back at it.

But, while I have a couple of spare minutes, I'm suprised to report the following:

My DH asked to set up some time this weekend during which we could talk about how we did in April. He also volunteered some information regarding expenditures in June.

I'm still in such a state of surprise over this turn of events that I haven't figured out what to think about it.

Here's the update for April for Checkbook Number One:

Income: 1372.55
Expenses:
Budget:
Groceries 500.00
MC 500.00
The Rest 372.55
Total 1372.55

Actual:
Groceries 565.62
MC 274.61
The Rest 326.86
Total 1167.09


Looks good, doesn't it? We appeared to spend 205.46 less than we made. However, we seemed to run about 100.00 short this month. How can this be?

I've determined it's because of The Dead Zone.

DH gets paid once monthly, but usually his paycheck comes in and is deposited 3 to 5 days prior to the end of the month. That paycheck is then used for next month's expenses. Those 3 to 5 days were The Dead Zone - before the end of the month, so anything spent during The Dead Zone didn't count for the current month because it was next month's paycheck, and didn't count for next month because it wasn't next month.

Clear as mud, eh? Basically some of April's money was spent during the last few days of March. It didn't "count" for March - partly because I wasn't really counting then, and partly because it was a new check. And it couldn't *really* count in April because it wasn't there.

The Dead Zone should disappear this month - all expenses now count for the month in which they are incurred. The tricks we can play on ourselves are mind boggling.

Mom's coming to town next week for a family event. Mom's visits present some interesting challenges.

I grew up in a typical middle class household. We never needed anything, but we didn't get everything we wanted either. Both of my parents worked, Dad made some good investments, Mom left paid employment when I was in high school and Dad retired not too much later at 50. While he seemed really young to retire, nobody could see the future - Dad died in his early 60's. Mom was left pretty well off.

My folks were never ostentatious, but Mom hasn't had to figure out how to drive less, or look at whether chicken or hamburger is cheaper, or put off purchasing socks for a long, long time. She has a "money is no object" kind of attitude. She and another family member have that approach - it seems like they solve all problems using money. And they expect you to do the same.

We don't have enough disposable income to solve all of our problems by spending our way out of them. We have to think a bit more, let go of a few more wants, solve our problems differently. But when you relate what's going on in your life, and your mom says, "Why don't you just buy XYZ?", it's kind of tough to come up with an answer without sounding broke. We aren't broke - we just make the choices that go with our income.

Anyway, I haven't come up with any good responses for my mom. If anyone else has handled this situation I'd love to hear how you did it.

DH and I have talked about our finances twice since "the sky is falling" conversation last week.

The first conversation was the next night. DH now realized that the sky was not falling, but was not entirely clear on where to go from here, except that we should spend less.

The second conversation happened yesterday. The mood was right so I asked DH what he thought we'd be spending money on in May. With our two-checkbook scheme the regular bills are already covered, so this would be the other categories, like food, gas, clothing, recreation, household items and the like.

I made a list of everything we thought of. That came up to $410. Then we looked at what we had to spend money on. Looking at the cost of gas was rather shocking - between our two vehicles we estimated about $500 next month. Combined with groceries at $500, and church contributions at $100, we are left with $272.55.

Even though $272.55 doesn't equal $410, we stopped our conversation there, both realizing that the work is not done. The awareness is raised though, and I think that's key. With these items on our minds we're more likely to figure out a way to get them less expensively.