We've been talking about vehicles here in the onion patch.

DH owns a 1992 full-sized truck. I have a 1993 station wagon. Both of our vehicles have had a few problems over the years but have been dependable. They also have 160000+ miles on them.

DH commutes about 15 miles, one way, to work. In a truck that gets 15 miles per gallon that's about two gallons of gas per day, not counting any driving around he does for work. He has really noticed the increase in gas prices.

On and off over the years I've brought up the topic of our aging vehicles and changing needs. When DH bought his truck he was a single guy doing construction. Now he has a family and a job that's more of a desk job. Meanwhile as Daisy has grown I've noticed that I do more "kid hauling" - I don't just take Daisy somewhere but a friend or two as well. Even well-maintained vehicles don't last forever, and my fear is that one day a transmission or engine will go out and we'll be scrambling to replace a vehicle. I'd rather anticipate that need if possible.

My previous attempts to engage DH in discussing our automotive future failed. Now with gas prices high DH has gotten more interested in replacing his vehicle. He has talked about it over the last several months, but again our conversations went no where in terms of action.

DH's parents are selling their car and DH decided that it would be a good choice. It is a 2004 Honda which they bought new. DH and I have had several discussions about it over the last few weeks. He has looked in to insurance for it and talked with a couple of mechanics (one a relative) about this model of car. I think the car is a reasonable choice, so I will agree to it. He has put a lot more effort into acquiring this car than I have seen him put into other things. At other times when we've talked about car replacement he just figured that he'd get a car loan, go to the nearest dealership and buy the first thing that he saw. (Well, maybe not the first thing but close - after 15 years I have a good idea how DH operates.)

The sticking point has been the money required to buy it. DH wanted to get a car loan but I wouldn't agree to that. Last week DH presented me with a list of sources and amounts for the money required for this car. I was impressed. He also says that once the money is straightened out for this car we will start saving for a replacement for my vehicle. I plan to hold him to that.

Since I wrote the "Negotiation" post we've had a follow on conversation that sounded something like this:

DH (while sitting at desk, which is in living room, and writing a check): "I'm writing a check for the mutual fund."

Me (knowing that our mutual fund is direct deposit, so he's paying the extra that we talked about): "How much are you sending in?"

DH: "280 dollars."

Me: "Hmm, how much was that IRS refund?"

DH: "280 dollars."

Me: "Didn't we agree that we would spend half of that money for gas (for DH's full-sized, 15-miles-per-gallon truck) and the camping trip, and send the other half to the IRS?

DH: "Yes, but it doesn't matter. It'll be fine."

Me (in a reasonable tone, although I was thinking, here we go again): "If we agree to do something, and then don't do it and don't discuss the change of plans with each other, what is the point of having the first conversation?"


In the end DH sent $100 to the mutual fund. Married people, is there any good way to hold each accountable without sounding like a complete nag?

I suppose some people drop off on their blogs because they don't have much to say. I have plenty to write about, but a bunch of Real Life stuff to take care of and so have had no time for blogging.

The abridged version, with more detailed entries to follow:

* We went out of town for Memorial Day weekend, plus one extra day. We are keeping busy with end-of-the-school-year stuff.
* DH finished the Dave Ramsey book.
* DH has decided to replace his 1992 full-sized truck with a 2004 Honda Civic. He did all the leg work (insurance quotes, talked w/mechanics, worked with sellers) plus he's figured out how to pay for it. I'm shocked. Go DH!
* We are looking at Away School (as opposed to Home School) for Daisy next year.
* DH used Quicken to create an expense report for the last year. Neither one of us are really sure what to do with it, but he is interested in some kind of a budget.
* We still ran a deficit in Checkbook Number One in May. Despite my attempts to pin our money issues on DH, I'm definitely the culprit on this one.

DH and I received a small income tax refund. We actually negotiated what we were going to do with it. This is a big step for us - in the past I made most of the financial decisions. While for some people that might sound ideal it doesn't lead to building togetherness in a marriage. I've been pushing for more involvement on DH's part for several years. There are things going on in our lives, but not reported here, that are making that more likely.

Here's how our conversation might have sounded before:

Me: DH, we got our income tax refund. What do you want to do with it?
DH: I don't know.
Me: What do you think about putting 1/4 toward the mortgage, 1/4 in the mutual fund and spending the rest on (whatever the current project or need was)?
DH: Okay.


Here's how our conversation sounded this time:

DH: What do you want to do with the income tax refund?
Me: What do YOU want to do with the income tax refund?
DH: Let's put it in our checking account. It can pay for our trip this weekend, and the shortfall in the checkbook.
Me: Hmm, how about if we put 1/4 toward the mortgage, 1/4 in the mutual fund and spend the rest on our trip? (**Yes, this is the same thing I would have said before. I like this strategy for windfalls.)
DH: How about if we put half in the mutual fund and half towards our trip?
Me: Okay.

Can I just say that I'm thrilled at this turn of events?

I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio the other day. A caller said that he and his wife had just started doing a budget, and that they kept having all these unexpected expenses - software for his wife's college class, something for the kids (don't recall it specifically) etc. Dave said that these type of expenses could be anticipated, that as time went on and they continued to work on their budget they would be able to anticipate them, that it took people generally about three months to get the hang of it, and that when these things came up the couple needed to have an "emergency budget committee meeting" and decide what they would do.

DH and I have never really had a budget. We've had a loose spending plan that worked reasonably well when our income was higher. We continued this when I left paid employment. Since neither of us are big spenders it worked okay for a while and now isn't working so well.

When DH and I talked about our spending for May we listed out several expenses that we saw coming that month. Soon after May started I noticed four things:
* We had expenses that we should have been able to anticipate, like Daisy's end-of-year dance photos.
* We had potential expenses that are unexpected, like our cordless phone breaking.
* If it was written down we were likely to think about it and come up with a different or lower-priced alternative.
* I've gotten really used to buying "little stuff" that catches my fancy, and I'm going to have to break that habit.

We paid for Daisy's photos. We haven't yet replaced the cordless phone. Since it has an answering machine that still works, it's been moved to another room and we're using a corded phone for our main phone now. Instead of buying a new bicycle DH decided to borrow a relative's bicycle for a while. And I started to keep a list of the little stuff that I wanted to purchase instead of just buying it.

I guess we are reinventing the wheel in many ways. . . and the wheel still works.

It's May 20th, and Checkbook Number One is looking pretty empty.

We got rid of The Dead Zone, so what happened?

Well, several things: the grocery/eating out dollars spent is way over budget, less is being put on the credit card (and thus being put off until next month) and there were some math errors.

I'm hoping and anticipating we'll be able to squeak by until June with another fill-up for both vehicles, and about $100 for our Memorial Weekend Camping trip (this includes about $60 for a ferry ride).

DH and I had a discussion about this last night. He had a pretty negative reaction. In reality though, this is nothing different than what's happened here in the onion patch for the last several years. The main difference is that he is now aware of it. While it's challenging to deal with his reaction, we are talking and that is a huge improvement in my book.

Last night I was out running errands. When I got home DH asked where the Dave Ramsey book was. He had left it on his library book shelf. I had taken it off the shelf in the morning (and finished reading it) and hadn't put it back.

Do you know what this means?? DH is taking the initiative to read the book! Well, at least he was yesterday.

Trying not to get too excited. . . trying not to get my hopes up. . . trying not to get too excited. . . trying not to get my hopes up. . .

DH and I did talk, on Sunday evening after Daisy was in bed.

I have taken the information that I had on a file card and put it in a pocket-sized notebook. What you see on the side bar for April fits on one page.

On the next set of pages are the May spending plan (looks a lot like April) and the month-to-date totals. The next two pages after that hold the things that we talked about spending money on May, with estimate and actual expense columns. These are items that fall in the "Everything Else" category. There aren't many, or the list wouldn't fit on one page of a pocket-sized notebook.

DH wanted to see the April figures. I had already told him about The Dead Zone, so that even though it looks like we under spent by about $200, we actually over spent by about $100. He looked at May. Then he told me about a few expenses he could see coming in June. I wrote them down, although only one of them has a dollar estimate.

That was pretty much the end of the conversation. It took about 10 minutes.

Even though we have a long, long, long way to go, this conversation was way more than I would have anticipated back on April. I need to keep reminding myself of that when I feel completely frustrated by his non/under-involvement policy.

I've been entertaining my mother, as well as hosting a family event last weekend - kind of puts a crimp in my blogging. Mom will head home tomorrow and I'll get back at it.

But, while I have a couple of spare minutes, I'm suprised to report the following:

My DH asked to set up some time this weekend during which we could talk about how we did in April. He also volunteered some information regarding expenditures in June.

I'm still in such a state of surprise over this turn of events that I haven't figured out what to think about it.

DH and I have talked about our finances twice since "the sky is falling" conversation last week.

The first conversation was the next night. DH now realized that the sky was not falling, but was not entirely clear on where to go from here, except that we should spend less.

The second conversation happened yesterday. The mood was right so I asked DH what he thought we'd be spending money on in May. With our two-checkbook scheme the regular bills are already covered, so this would be the other categories, like food, gas, clothing, recreation, household items and the like.

I made a list of everything we thought of. That came up to $410. Then we looked at what we had to spend money on. Looking at the cost of gas was rather shocking - between our two vehicles we estimated about $500 next month. Combined with groceries at $500, and church contributions at $100, we are left with $272.55.

Even though $272.55 doesn't equal $410, we stopped our conversation there, both realizing that the work is not done. The awareness is raised though, and I think that's key. With these items on our minds we're more likely to figure out a way to get them less expensively.