We have an ARM and our interest rate will readjust at the beginning of June. Although many people have gotten burned by ARMs we have done well. There was actually a strategy behind the ARM, and it paid off for us.

We bought our house 11 years ago when we were both working. The strategy was to pay down the ARM during the first three years before it adjusted. When it adjusted our payment would be lower. As we paid down more and more it would enable us to live on one income.

We were able to do this, and I think the following is why:
* We bought a relatively small, inexpensive (for our area) house. The bank was willing to give us about twice the mortgage that we ended up with, but I didn't want to be tied to my corporate job forever.
* Our mortgage is through a credit union. There has been no upheaval with the mortgage being sold to another entity. I've heard all kinds of horror stories about what happens when loans get sold.
* We actually DID pay down the mortgage during the first three years, and have paid more to the principle since then. Our contract includes language that allows us to pay extra towards the principle and pay off the mortgage early with no penalty.
* With nine different rate adjustments (including the upcoming one) only two have been higher than the initial loan rate. The rest have been lower, including one year during which the rate was almost four percent lower than the initial rate. This was totally outside our control and was just good fortune on our part.
* We did not tap into our equity with a line of credit.

Most of the time our financial strategy feels like a house that people added to randomly. There are doors that open up to walls, rooms with no windows and a porch you can't get to from the inside of the house. But our ARM strategy is a nice, comfortable living room.

Mom's coming to town next week for a family event. Mom's visits present some interesting challenges.

I grew up in a typical middle class household. We never needed anything, but we didn't get everything we wanted either. Both of my parents worked, Dad made some good investments, Mom left paid employment when I was in high school and Dad retired not too much later at 50. While he seemed really young to retire, nobody could see the future - Dad died in his early 60's. Mom was left pretty well off.

My folks were never ostentatious, but Mom hasn't had to figure out how to drive less, or look at whether chicken or hamburger is cheaper, or put off purchasing socks for a long, long time. She has a "money is no object" kind of attitude. She and another family member have that approach - it seems like they solve all problems using money. And they expect you to do the same.

We don't have enough disposable income to solve all of our problems by spending our way out of them. We have to think a bit more, let go of a few more wants, solve our problems differently. But when you relate what's going on in your life, and your mom says, "Why don't you just buy XYZ?", it's kind of tough to come up with an answer without sounding broke. We aren't broke - we just make the choices that go with our income.

Anyway, I haven't come up with any good responses for my mom. If anyone else has handled this situation I'd love to hear how you did it.

Last week, one of the adults (not saying which one) in the household left the garage door up all night. Fortunately for us nothing happened.

When I got up in the morning I freaked out. Since there is no lock on the door between the garage and the house, it's kind of like leaving your front door open all night. And I value my safety. And Daisy's safety. And DH's too, although he's bigger and stronger than Daisy and me. So I asked DH if he would put a lock on that door.

Today DH came home with a locking doorknob. It was extra at work - not the kind they usually use, so it would not get used again. DH had taken it to the locksmith and had it rekeyed to our dead bolt for a cost of $6. He has a working relationship with them so they may have given him a deal. He then installed it. He's handy that way.

When I asked he told me that if he'd purchased it new it would be about $35. That would be a savings of $29.

Thanks DH!

Although Daisy's eyes test out at 20/20, she has some vision problems. You can read a little about vision problems here:

http://www.vision-therapy.com/About_Vision.htm

She goes to vision therapy every other week with eye exercises to do at home. This treatment is not covered by our insurance. An average person goes through treatment in 9 months, going every week. At $100 per session (or $95 if you pay for four sessions at a time), even going every other week like we do adds up.

She recently had a re-evaluation and the doctor was very pleased. She's making faster progress than the doctor expected.

I think this progress is due to the fact that Daisy actually does the home work. We sit down every week day, before school time, and do it. She can't do it on her own; I have to watch her eyes, time some of the exercises, etc. I don't know how kids who go to regular school can do this - when Daisy is tired this "eye work" is very hard.

Anyway, the more regularly we work at home, the faster the treatment and the less expensive it is in total. I'm happy about that!

Oh, and I should add that I'm happy that Daisy's vision is improving. I can tell the difference even though she doesn't think she has a problem.

More talking here in the onion patch. . . and that's a good, if sometimes frustrating thing.

Yesterday I decided to bring up something that was bothering me. Earlier this year DH took me out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. He did good too - choosing one that I liked and keeping it a surprise. But when the credit card bill came I was the one who had to figure out how to pay for it. Since this is typical of our life together I let it go. But in light of the other day's side-job revelations I felt pretty irritated about it and brought it up. Why am I trying to figure out how to pay for my own gift?

Apparently this was a surprise to DH. . . but it led to a larger conversation about our whole financial picture.

We discussed the spending-more-than-we're-making problem. DH took a "the sky is falling" approach, and I could see that we weren't going to be able to do any real problem solving so I just let him talk. He has a wish list of items he'd like (new truck - his is almost 16 years old, DVD player & TV, finish landscaping the backyard - his strong desire about them were news to me) but doesn't feel like he'll ever get them. He was convinced that we would run through what's left of the bonus money in the next four months. At current rates this is not mathematically possible. I did point that out, and in a nice way too, but he wasn't having any of it.

At the root of "the sky is falling" though, I think, is the recognition that his job situation is unstable. He has known this for a while. He could look for another job or try to improve the stability of the one he has but he has chosen not to act.

I just listened, and he suggested that we try to talk again tomorrow. So we'll see.

I have read many books and blogs, and have thought many times, "What a great idea! I bet we could do something like that!" Or "We could try that out, I bet it would help our budget." He doesn't seem to take that approach to life though, and that type of tunnel vision has been a real hindrance in problem solving.

Although I received much great information on discussing the mutal funds with DH, I think I'm going to have to wait on it.

Today DH and Daisy went to the nursery to get some plants. Tonight I looked around for a receipt - didn't see a credit card receipt and I knew DH didn't take the checkbook.

So I ask him, How did you pay for the plants? He says, with my bowling money. (DH is in a bowling league, and as near as I can tell it's something of a cross between bowling and gambling. When the season ends they get prize money based on how well the team did for the year.)

Hmm, I think to myself, I haven't seen a check for bowling in a long time. So I ask, How have you been paying for bowling? Turns out he's been doing side jobs for his current employer and getting paid cash for them. He's used this to fund bowling and put gas in his truck.

There are so many things wrong with this for me, I'm not even sure where to begin, but here are two: Firstly, I believe it's unethical not to report earnings. He has received W-2's for these side jobs in the past, but none in the last couple of years. But, worse, it says something about how he views money and our relationship. Supposedly our money is in common with joint accounts, etc. Yet not only is he not telling me about this extra income (which I'm guessing is at least a thousand dollars since September), he's also not willing to work with me on a spending plan for the money "we" do have. Instead, he'll avoid having to have this conversation by taking cash for these side jobs and spending the money in ways that make him comfortable.

I don't begrudge him wanting plants for the yard or gas for his full-size truck. I do think it would be better to work together for the common good, but I have had no success in convincing him that a common good would be good for both of us.

One of my current food projects is to work out a substitute for the healthy but expensive bakery bread we were buying. DH eats a sandwich every day for lunch, and Daisy likes toast. So we go through a respectable amount of bread for a three person family.

And, of course we have our bread preferences - I like to eat whole wheat but DH won't eat anything heavy - it's got to be pretty fluffy for him.

When we first started shopping at this bakery we loved their bread. It met both our desires - whole wheat and fluffy. But I think they changed their recipe or something. . . it just started to taste not as good. And they switched to all organic ingredients, which I'm all for - but it upped the price by about 50 cents per loaf.

So, at least for the moment, I've gone to making bread. There's some in the oven right now, and I'll finish this entry in time to pull it out.

I'm working towards making bread that tastes good and is easy and convenient to make. I tried a thrift store bread maker (bread sank every time), Kitchen Aid stand mixer (heavy to pull out so regularly), by hand (hard on the wrists) and am now trying out a bread bucket.

Yes, a bread bucket. I had never heard of such a thing until I read the Tightwad Gazette. I found one in a thrift store a few weeks ago. I knew exactly what it was although it stumped the cashier ("What's that? A butter churn? An ice cream maker?"). This is the second batch and it seems to be working pretty well. Even Daisy can turn the crank and knead four loaves' worth at a time.

I haven't calculated the price per loaf but a quick guesstimate would put it at less than half of the bakery's price.

I have read lots of blogs that discuss finances, and so many of them rave on and on about how they (the writer and the spouse) are a team. They have a great financial goal, and they are headed full steam towards that goal. Over months and years you can see them, working together, achieving that goal.

But what if you are married to someone who doesn't share your financial aspirations? Or someone who pays lip-service to mutual goals but is unwilling to make sacrifices to achieve those goals? What if you are married to someone whose financial strategies cause you a great deal of discomfort? And is unwilling to work out a compromise with you? That is the unfortunate position in which I now find myself.

My quest is to figure out how to make myself more comfortable with our finances while not starting a cold war in my home, and to discover how to achieve financial goals without cooperation from my husband. (Those who are married are shaking their heads in disbelief.) I'll also add here that, while I am frustrated with my situation, I'm not trying to make my husband UNcomfortable while I make myself comfortable. I really feel that this would be the wrong-spirited way to take care of my problems.

We aren't doing too badly financially, really. We own our own home. We have a modest income. I worked until our daughter was two, then left paid employment to be home full time with her. She is now eight, and home schooled. We have no debt but our mortgage and pay off our credit card every month. Neither of us are big spenders.

But - we still spend monthly a little more than we make monthly. How is that possible without massive credit card debt, you ask? We had savings when I left work, and DH receives a bonus each year that is a percentage of his annual income. Some of this money was spent on things like insulation, a furnace and new windows. Some of it was spent on groceries. Some of it was spent on frivolities. Most of my work savings is gone. Most of this year's bonus, paid in December, is still sitting around.

Additionally, we are in our mid-40's without much saved for retirement. This has me extremely nervous. I don't expect Social Security to be around when I'm 70. I am watching our parents and their friends age. . . become less healthy. . . need help with daily activities. Someday this will be us. Aside from trying to take the best care of my health that I can, I feel we need to be more aggressive in saving for our old age.

Right now I don't have any formal goals. A goal can be measured, right? I just have a mission, and no matter how I word it, it sounds a bit selfish, but it's still my mission: to look after my own personal comfort in the areas of the amount that is spent each month and retirement savings. Goals will eventually follow.