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Common Good

April 20th, 2008 at 08:04 am

Today DH and Daisy went to the nursery to get some plants. Tonight I looked around for a receipt - didn't see a credit card receipt and I knew DH didn't take the checkbook.

So I ask him, How did you pay for the plants? He says, with my bowling money. (DH is in a bowling league, and as near as I can tell it's something of a cross between bowling and gambling. When the season ends they get prize money based on how well the team did for the year.)

Hmm, I think to myself, I haven't seen a check for bowling in a long time. So I ask, How have you been paying for bowling? Turns out he's been doing side jobs for his current employer and getting paid cash for them. He's used this to fund bowling and put gas in his truck.

There are so many things wrong with this for me, I'm not even sure where to begin, but here are two: Firstly, I believe it's unethical not to report earnings. He has received W-2's for these side jobs in the past, but none in the last couple of years. But, worse, it says something about how he views money and our relationship. Supposedly our money is in common with joint accounts, etc. Yet not only is he not telling me about this extra income (which I'm guessing is at least a thousand dollars since September), he's also not willing to work with me on a spending plan for the money "we" do have. Instead, he'll avoid having to have this conversation by taking cash for these side jobs and spending the money in ways that make him comfortable.

I don't begrudge him wanting plants for the yard or gas for his full-size truck. I do think it would be better to work together for the common good, but I have had no success in convincing him that a common good would be good for both of us.

5 Responses to “Common Good”

  1. sillyoleme Says:

    I agree with you, but at least he was honest when you asked him about it. Maybe you just need to explain the problems you see with his actions, he might not have even thought about it. Good luck Smile

  2. Ima saver Says:

    I agree with you also.

  3. baselle Says:

    Hmmm. I guess you will have to observe him and determine whether or not he is actively deceiving you or it slipped his mind. I have to gently disagree with sillyoleme here: I don't get the "at least he was honest" part. I read it as "I got caught, I'll tell you enough to get you off my back" part.

  4. Petunia Says:

    sillyoleme, Ima saver, baselle - thanks for replying. I'm not even sure what to say. I've thought about writing a "10 Things (Criteria) I'd use to evaluate a potential spouse" post. It would be eye-opening to the singles, and I bet they wouldn't believe it!

  5. baselle Says:

    Please do it! The contests are fun - who knows, you might pick up a bit of prize money - $25/$15/$10 - in your Paypal account.

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