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Mr H's Car

February 21st, 2010 at 05:33 am

Mr H's car was damaged in an accident last week.

Fortunately Mr H was not in the car. Someone's car wouldn't start and that person was pushing said car and lost control of it. Also fortunately said person had insurance. Mr H's car sustained body damage but apparently is okay otherwise. He is now working to get it fixed.

In a different conversation he mentioned taking my car to get it fixed this summer while Daisy and I go visit my family. My car sustained damage to its front bumper a couple of years ago when Mr H was pressure washing the house. Did you know that the exhaust from a pressure washer is hot and will melt the plastic bumper on a car if the exhaust pipe gets too close to it? Neither did I.

Mr H's declaration was music to my ears. After I discovered the burn mark on my bumper I asked Mr H about it. He swore he didn't do it. Then, when he realized he did do it, he didn't apologize for it. I took my car in and got an estimate for the fix. . . but worse than the estimate (body work is never cheap) was the number of days I'd need to be without my car - three to five, I think. I don't remember now. I live in suburbia. I figured I'd get no cooperation from Mr H with getting around and so the burn mark sits there.

Now that Mr H is dealing with someone else (besides him) causing damage to his vehicle, I think he's starting to understand why I was (and still am, kind of) upset by the damage to my car. It wasn't the damage so much as Mr H's unwillingness to accept any sort of responsibility for his actions, at least the ones that cause problems. It's a pattern of his, and it's hard to live with. But if he does get it fixed this summer I'll feel better.


I also have come up with a plan for when my car finally dies. It is a 17 year old Toyota, running pretty well, but it has 194,000 miles on it. I'm hoping that it will keep going until Daisy is done with high school but if not here's what I'm going to do: take some money from the emergency fund and buy a used car. I think I can do this with help from my car guys. I'm not mechanically savy but I do have good car guys. I don't love this plan and hope that I can come up with a better one, but I feel better at least having something lined up.


There has been no change under the bench at ballet. I checked when there were no other ballet moms around.

5 Responses to “Mr H's Car”

  1. Single Guy Says:

    I guess its the principle of the thing, but if your car is that old, and you could be replacing it in the not too distant future, do you need to be pushing him to fix what is strictly a cosmetic issue? Or is the damage that major? Couldn't the money be better spent elsewhere?

  2. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    I agree with Single Guy. If it's only going to last for a little while longer, why bother?

  3. nmboone Says:

    I was kind of thinking the same thing. I might have let bumper damage go on a much younger car rather than pay a ton to have it fixed.

  4. Petunia Says:

    Thank you for responding Single Guy, Wow, and nmboone.

    When I realized that Mr H would never work with me on fixing my car I stopped asking. It does come up from time to time though.

    It's an emotional decision rather than a rational one, I suppose. Many times when I look at my car I'm reminded that my husband damaged somthing that's primarily mine and didn't try to make it right with me in any way, even by apologizing. If he had done that to someone else who wasn't his wife he would have been sued. Harsh of me? Perhaps. It's just a visible reminder of a larger pattern in our mutual lives. If he actually does get it fixed while we're away this summer it will an action showing me that he's truly interested in changing this pattern.

    The car is at the point where things are starting to go wrong on it pretty regularly. It probably should be replaced, but Mr H refuses to discuss it. So I figure that I'll need to keep it running until Daisy graduates from high school in eight years. Then I'll get job(s) working 40+ hours per week and replace it if I have to. That's Plan A. Taking money from the emergency fund to buy a car is Plan B. I would love to replace Plan A with a real plan that involves us saving for a replacement for this car (Mr H's vehicle, same age as mine, was replaced about two years ago) but I don't see that happening.

    Gloomy I know, but it's hard to talk a reluctant spouse into doing things he doesn't want to do, and it's almost impossible to drag a reluctant spouse anywhere.

  5. nmboone Says:

    Ok I do understand a little better now. I hope he realizes soon that this pattern of his upsets you now Smile

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